Imagine if you will a sofa. Beige leather, with a hint of pink. The sofa has two cushions, which of course means there is a seam in the middle.

You aren’t a neat freak, or a germaphobe, but a relatively clean sofa is preferable to a nasty one, right? Like, if someone were to visit your home, if you planned to entertain on the sofa, you wouldn’t want the thing to be marred with stains, would you?

Of course you wouldn’t.

Further imagine that one day you are eating a piece of chocolate cake on this sofa. In fact, let’s say you regularly have a piece of cake while sitting on the sofa. The frosting is homemade–butter, cocoa, and lots of sugar–so it’s pretty strong. It’s dense. And let’s say that on many occasions you manage to make a mess on your sofa. Sometimes it’s just crumbs, but in other instances you manage even to drop some of the chocolate frosting. And since the sofa tends to sag in the middle, anything you spill onto it collects in the seam.

Not many of us are going to simply ignore the crumbs and frosting that has collected in the seam of our sofa, are we? Most of us are going to clean it up. We don’t want that chocolate to show up as stains on our clothes, do we? We don’t want potential visitors to discover unexpected presents in the seam of the sofa, right?

So: You’ve decided to clean the chocolate out of the seam in your sofa. Frosting, crumbs, all of that shit. What sort of cleaning implements do you think would be best for the job?

If it were only crumbs in the seam, you might use nothing more than a dry paper towel. But with frosting smeared in the seam, I think we can all agree that something more is needed. Something wet that will help wash the area clean. You might use a paper towel soaked in water, or perhaps a paper towel with cleaning solution.

But you would not attempt to clean a chocolate frosting stain with nothing more than a dry piece of soft paper, would you?

Thus I present to you one of the world’s great inventions: Scott’s® Moist Wipes. These little square sheets might as well be made of gold, since they are:

  • moist
  • alcohol free
  • contain Aloe and Vitamin E
  • flushable–both sewer and septic safe

And they actually CLEAN the seam, instead of just smearing the chocolate around like your typical dry paper does.

You don’t have to be a nutty germaphobe to appreciate these little squares of Nirvana. People who want to wipe everything down with anti-bacterial soap and can’t eat anything you touch freak me out.

But in this case it’s just the logic of the thing. You wouldn’t clean up chocolate frosting with a dry paper towel, right? So why try to clean any brownish smear with a piece of dry paper?

Why not keep a zip loc bag of these in your desk at work? In your car? In the bathroom drawer at home?

Think about it.

As usual, the French have it right. The next house I build is going to have a bidet.