Johnny: Hey, you must be new here. I haven’t seen you around before.
Amy: Today is my first day. I’m really nervous. You’re pretty cute, but today the only thing I’m worried about is not making an ass out of myself. And on top of that I got my period last night.
Johnny: Speaking of ass, yours is phenomenal. Your rack could be better, but I’m not complaining. I would have sex with you in the conference room right now if I could get away with it, but in lieu of that, I’ll just go back to my cubicle and describe you to all of my friends.
Amy: I’m engaged. I would have expected you to notice my ring by now.
Johnny: How could I miss it? You could put out an eye with that thing. You’re probably too high maintenance for me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to sleep with you at least once. And besides, I have a girlfriend.
Amy: My fiancé is an asshole. I deserve this ring for putting up with his ego. He’s not even that hot, but I don’t want to be stuck in a cubicle my whole life.
Johnny: I understand. And even though I typically don’t make eye contact with people in the hallway, I’ll say “Hi” every time I see you. And I’ll figure out when you go for coffee so I can accidentally bump into you all the time.
Amy: I bet we’ll get put on a project together at some point. And then we’ll see each other more than the people we’re in love with.
Johnny: After a few weeks of working together so closely, I’ll decide you really aren’t that high maintenance after all. I’ll think about your perfume at random times during the day.
Amy: At some point I’ll ask you if I’m doing the right thing. Should I really get married when I’m only 25? I’ve got my whole life in front of me.
Johnny: I will pretend to defend your fiancé in order to earn your trust. But I’ll also express my belief in marriage as a sacred institution, and suggest you only go through with it if you are sure he’s “the one.”
Amy: Part of me will think you’re full of shit, and part of me will believe you really mean it. I’ll get confused, because I can’t decide if I should marry into money the way I always planned, or take the plunge with someone who really “gets” me.
Johnny: I’ll be more distant with my girlfriend because I’ll be thinking about you all the time. I’ll forget how a new crush always seems better than the person I’m dating.
Amy: I’ll forget that, too.
Johnny: Hold on a sec. Hey, Stacey, you have the best tits in the entire office!
Stacey: I’m not very pretty in the face, but I can have sex with a different guy every night if I want.
Amy: Did you just check out that girl who walked by?
Johnny: Yes.
Amy: Well anyway, at some point I’ll tell you I’m going to break up with my fiancé so you and I can become a couple.
Johnny: I’ll suggest we meet for drinks after work to discuss this in more detail.
Amy: After a few drinks I’ll realize I’m making the right decision. In the parking lot we’ll finally kiss for the first time. It will be so nerve-wracking to think that someone we know might see us, but it’ll also be an incredible turn-on.
Johnny: My girlfriend and I don’t usually hang out on Wednesdays, so I’ll invite you back to my place.
Amy: My brain says no, but my heart says yes. Plus, I’m drunk.
Johnny: In my apartment, I’ll finally see you naked in person after months of seeing it in my head.
Amy: Your apartment is smaller than I thought. It needs new paint and carpet.
Johnny: I’m worried you’re going to think my dick isn’t very big. Plus, I’m all out of condoms except those purple ones my girlfriend bought me as a joke. And there is a picture of her on my dresser. I hope you don’t see that.
Amy: It’s the first thing I saw when we walked into the room. I’m having second thoughts about this. Plus your dick isn’t as big as I’d hoped.
Johnny: You aren’t very wet.
Amy: This isn’t very hot.
Johnny: I’m going to try to make the best of this since we made it this far.
Amy: The sun will burn out before I have an orgasm with you.
Johnny: Oh, shit! The condom broke.
Amy: Of course it did. These expired in 2005!
Johnny: You’re on the pill, right?
Amy: No! I get fat when I’m on the pill.
Johnny: Oh, shit. What are we going to do?
Amy: Let’s not do this at all. It was nice talking to you, but I need to get back to my desk.
Johnny: I’ll try not to say “Hi” to you in the hallway.
Amy: I’ll ignore you either way.
Johnny: Have fun with your asshole fiancé.
Amy: Don’t feel sorry for me. This is a community property state.
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