Richard à clef

Recently I wrote a novel. Well, I didn’t write the whole thing recently, but I did recently finish it, and by finish I mean I’m waiting to hear from my agent if he likes it or not. He’ll suggest changes and so will an eventual editor, so it’s not really “finished.” In...

The Customer is Irrelevant: Another Life in Retail

When I was 19 I took a job at Sears, Roebuck, and Co. The company was named after Richard Sears, Alvah Roebuck, and Bad Company (the English rock supergroup). If you’ve ever wondered who Roebuck was, I can tell you (according to Wikipedia) that the name came from...

No One Likes It When You Use Vulcan Logic

I remember quite clearly, when I was 10 or so, a television commercial for Tylenol. The message went something like this: “Extra Strength Tylenol has more pain-relieving medicine than Regular Strength Bayer Aspirin.” I was only 10 years old. I shouldn’t have even been...

Experiments in Honesty, Volume 2: At the Gym

Ashley (on the phone): I’m on my way to the gym. Want to meet me there? Meredith: I can’t. I’m going to watch Big Brother 8 and eat ice cream straight out of the tub. Ashley: And you’re hoping Shaun will booty call you later. Meredith: That,...

Experiments in Honesty, Volume 1: New Girl at Work

Johnny: Hey, you must be new here. I haven’t seen you around before. Amy: Today is my first day. I’m really nervous. You’re pretty cute, but today the only thing I’m worried about is not making an ass out of myself. And on top of that I got my...

The guy

“I have a foreboding of an America in my children’s or grand children’s time … when awesome technological powers are in the hands of a very few, and no one representing the public interest can even grasp the issues; when the people have lost...

The shot heard ’round the world

To the battlefield our warriors approached, clubs strapped to the back of a mighty electric machine, ammunition in the form of white, dimpled musket balls. Highs winds whipped DryFit shirts across their backs, shaping the trajectory of their carefully placed shots. A...

The mystery of misinformation

A few days ago I read a bulletin containing a well-traveled account about what life was really like in the 1500s. Many of you have probably seen this before. It’s a list of unhygienic situations designed to shock us 21st century germophobes, and also claims to...